Most people are kicking off the new year with a “yes” mentality. Looking to take on new adventures, new trips, new activities, etc. I know my take isn’t going to be popular, but I’m taking the opposite approach in 2020. I’m going to learn to say “no” more this year. Before you write me off as being negative, let me explain…
At our house, this scene is all too familiar. Half-dressed, baby on hip, trying to shove your four year old’s foot into his sock while yelling to your 6 year old to turn off the TV and get dressed…. raising your voice only because your first 5 calm attempts were unsuccessful. You finally get everyone out the door, but two out of the three kids are lost on the short walk to the car because they’re sidetracked by who knows what… squirrel!! After lots of bribing, and yes, more yelling, all three are FINALLY in their car seats, and you can take a deep breath. That deep breath allows you to think of the ten things you forgot (including changing out of your pajama pants), and the trips running back and forth from the car to the house begin. Don’t forget to wave politely at the neighbors watching this chaos!
You finally get to your destination, wherever that might be, and begin the unloading process. Putting as much crap in one bag as possible to leave hands free for a child or two. More yelling, because parking lots are TERRIFYING with small kids, and you have three kids and only one free hand. The event itself is usually a little more relaxed, as long as it’s in an enclosed space, and your kids aren’t melting down… so maybe 40% of the time? You chat with a few friends, intermixed with pointed reminders at your children to behave… Gross, don’t lick that. Wait your turn please. Too rough!! All the while, either holding your toddler or hunched over following her around and making sure she’s not putting nasty and/or choke-able items into her mouth.
The event ends, so now you can start the packing up process again… nobody wants to leave, so it’s more begging, bribing, and harsh tones. All while the toddler on your hip kicks violently and pulls your hair out of excitement and exhaustion. You finally get everyone out to the car and have them line up for sanitizer… well, because it’s flu season and most places are a breeding ground. Kids are obviously hyped up from all the activity, so there’s some rough-housing going on that makes this a little more difficult, and the whining/crying inevitably happens. Don’t forget, through your sweat and the kids’ tears, you need to thank your hosts and politely wave to all the other families leaving at the same time!
As soon as you arrive at home, the kids jump out of their seat and start the questions they already know the answers to… Can I ride my bike? Can we go to the park? (It’s 30 degrees out) Can we have chocolate milk? (as they’re vibrating from the sugar that was at the event) Can we paint pumpkins? (It’s December, Johnny) Can I drive the car? (That’s a hard no.) While trying to field those questions, you also realize that your toddler didn’t get enough food to eat at the party, so she is HANGRY…. rightfully so. Getting food for your toddler inevitably leads to getting another meal for the older two because obviously, they were too excited or too picky to eat at the event. This leads to the meals for the day being thrown completely off. You look at the clock and realize that all of this has happened in only 2-3 hours, and you still have a full day ahead of you.
After an event like this, really of any kind, I’ve used up so much energy and patience in only a couple of hours, I’m left feeling tired and cranky for the time that matters most. The time left for my family. I end up counting down the minutes until bedtime, when the house is quiet, and I can regroup from the day.
I want my focus to shift this year. Instead of spending all my energy running around to different scheduled events, I want to schedule less. I want to enjoy the little things as a family. In 2020, I want more game nights, movie nights, runs and/or bike rides. I want more homemade meals, some that we can even make together. I want there to be time in our schedules for Joe and I to spend individual time with each child every once in awhile. While I’m listing my “wants”, I’ll also add in more time for Joe and I to spend with each other. I don’t want to take it too far, but maybe even some time for sleep??
Full disclosure, I started this post in early November, before the holiday craziness started. I wanted to enjoy the holiday season a little more this year, soaking in every second of the fun age the kids are at. I didn’t do very well… It’s not an easy thing! I have a major issue with FOMO… I hate missing out. Who doesn’t??
More importantly, I want to get over my FODO…. Fear of Disappointing Others. It’s always been a weakness of mine, caring so deeply about letting others down. Along with that is caring too much about what people think I should be doing. Everyone chooses to spend their time in different ways, and there will always be those who judge. Those who think I’m not social enough, who think I should volunteer at any of the three schools more often. Those who think that, because I stay home with my kids, I should have more time to offer to those around me. I envy the people who are able to do all of that and still have enough left to give their all to their family. I struggle being my best self when I feel stretched too thin. It’s literally impossible to please everyone, so this year, we are going to focus on doing what we need to do to give our kids more of our best selves. Not just the exhausted version!
Cheers to a simpler 2020 and to soaking up these amazing little people!!