Mom Dating

What Happened?

I’ve been married 7 years now. There’s a reason I got married. Yes, obviously love. I found the person I wanted to be with all day, everyday (within reason), and I wanted to have his babies.

The other perk? Dating is exhausting. There’s obviously a lot of excitement around a new love interest, but for me, the nerves somewhat took over. I was excited when I met Joe, and I could throw in that towel. I could listen to my friends talk about dating, get totally wrapped up in the excitement and frustrations, then take a deep breath and go home.

Yet somehow, it’s happening again. I’m dating.

She’s Just Not That Into You

Living in the same place for 20+ years made friend dating pretty much unnecessary. Meeting friends in high school and college was part of the curriculum. Meeting friends as an adult? Much harder.

I love the book “He’s just not that into you”, (okay, movie… I didn’t read the book), and I found myself thinking about it often during this last year or so. After meeting a PMF (potential mom friend), you don’t want to seem too eager, so you wait a little while before reaching out. If you do hang out, it’s a guarantee that at some point, you’ll overanalyze what you did or said during that “date”. There are the moms that talk a big game about hanging out but never actually call. They might only be looking for a “fling”. Someone to chat with in the parking lot before preschool pickup, or someone to join their business team. They may only acknowledge your existence if a better friend isn’t around, or they may always cancel plans at the last minute. Bottom line, if a PMF really wants to hang out with you, she’ll put in some effort, so don’t waste your time with the chase.

Cliff Jumping

Growing up, I was taught I should never do anything I didn’t want to do just because everyone else was doing it. “If Susie jumped off a cliff, would you?”, my mom would say.

When you first start romantically dating someone, you do what you have to do to hide the quirks. The goal is to come across as laid back and easy going. You’re deathly afraid of roller coasters, but your new love interest wants to take you to Cedar Point? You suck it up and try not to puke. You absolutely HATE scary movies, but your new love interest wants to take you to see “Saw”? Just make sure you arrange to sleep in your roommate’s bed for the next month.

Friend dating isn’t much different. The first “mom date” I had after moving into a new neighborhood involved checking out a local small plates restaurant. I love small plates because you can order a ton and try a little bit of everything. Being on a first date and all, my sister and I tried to follow the lead of the other people at the table to avoid looking too gluttonous. Everyone seemed a little reserved, so we ordered a small fraction of a real meal. Maybe that’s how women do it out here in Maryland? I was starving.  I went home that night and had almost an entire meal after my dinner out. (Don’t act like you’ve never gone on a date and had to eat afterwards because you were too nervous to eat during) Come to find out, so did everyone else in the group!

I’d like to think that now that I’m an adult with kids of my own, I could just be confident and do my own thing all the time. Apparently I’m not that lucky. And for the record, I did jump off a cliff once while cliff jumping in college…. Everyone was doing it.

At First Sight

Another parallel is love at first sight. It totally exists when mom/friend dating, and just like regular dating, it’s all about timing. You may have a hard-to-ignore connection with someone, but if you’re at different mom stages, it’s probably not going to happen. You hear love stories about couples making their relationship work over thousands of miles or making huge sacrifices to be together. I’d like to think that love conquers all, but when you’re a mom, you’re not looking to make more sacrifices.

We met one of the sweetest girls in our apartment who was our age but didn’t have any kids. While out to dinner, she told me about a recent “friend date” with someone new to town. She had reached out to this mother of three and expected her to pack up the kids and drive to a location more convenient for the kid-free person. While talking about this mom-of-three bending over backwards to get some adult interaction, she complained to me about how long it took the woman to load all three kids into her minivan… Clearly an inconvenient hassle.

Or the time we went to a mom’s workout group in the park on a Saturday morning. We had high hopes of meeting people until one of the other moms said she wished she didn’t have to work so she could stay home to watch Netflix and relax all day with her little girl. Because that’s what I apparently do all day.

Needless to say, both of those relationships ended before they even began. VERY different stages and pages.

Happy Ending

I came to the realization that we were in Maryland for a reason a few months ago when I posted about my sister in Life Happens. I came to the realization that we were meant to be in our current house and neighborhood shortly after that. All thanks to our incredible neighbors who pulled me out of my “dark place” and got me excited about making a life here. Such genuine people and not judgy… the best combo possible.

I don’t want to jinx it, but I was lucky enough to meet a few moms I totally click with and timing seems on point. They’ve seen me outside in pjs, socks, and flip flops and still want to hang out. I’ve even let some of my crazy flag fly… I really think they could be “the ones”!