I remember the time in my life when I was 100% confident as a mom, like it was yesterday. Approximately halfway through my pregnancy with my first child…. the confidence didn’t kick in until the feeling of death passed… I was hanging out with our close friends who have three children. Just sitting comfortably on the couch while I lovingly watched them play. Even if they made a mess, begged for junk food, or argued with each other… it’s always way cuter when it’s someone else’s kids. My friend, over the noise, laughingly asked if I was ready for this kind of chaos to come into our life.
The Dream
What chaos?? In my first-pregnancy heart, I knew my kids wouldn’t be chaotic. I had read “Babywise”, I was going to put strict guidelines in place, set boundaries, do all the things. We had pinned all the DIY kid activities that I was going to create to shape their brains into the genius children they were destined to be.
Joe and I were all about health and wellness. I was going to try to avoid any and all medications during the birth. Our children would nurse until they started to eat the nutritious, organic baby food that I made with the super cool and super practical baby food maker I just registered for. After that, they would sit with us quietly during mealtime and eat the protein, vegetables, and fruit in front of them, without complaint. Sugar? Not a chance. Especially not if it’s colored with yellow number 5.
Organization tips? Don’t need ’em. We won’t have a bunch of extra “stuff”. We are taking the minimal approach. Just buying organic baby clothes, organic diapers, and an organic mattress for the crib. The toys will be all natural wooden toys. When it comes to gifts from others, we will request activities or money set aside for their college funds. Our kids won’t need a bunch of crappy toys to play with. They will have plenty of fun with the alphabet blocks.
A messy car? Oh no, our kids won’t be allowed to eat any food in the car. They will eat three meals and one snack at home a day and be totally content. The car time will be reserved for relaxed chit chat and classical music.
My friend just politely smiled and nodded while listening to my big plans, allowing me to bask in the feeling of being the most confident mom on the planet.
The Turning Point
I also remember the time in my life when I lost that confidence, like it was yesterday. It was the day my first child was born. I had to be induced 3 weeks early, I wasn’t ready and neither was he. I labored for 36 hours, pushed for two more, and ended with a C-section. The first of pretty much everything to go against my “plan”.
Fast-forward 6 years, and I’m wearing my friend’s exact pair of shoes. I think about her all the time and am now racking my brain trying to remember her great tips as I’m drowning in the exact scenarios I was warned about, yet convinced they wouldn’t happen to me.
I should have known this would happen. Carrie Bradshaw called it a lie when Trey and Charlotte told themselves their lives with kids would be different. My friend allowed me to believe this lie as well, and I’m grateful for those 4 months of bliss. We have to believe it in order to procreate!
The Reality
I’m three kids deep, and I’m exhausted. I’ve leapt over the fence of delusion and into reality, as fast as Colton jumped the fence in season 23 of The Bachelor. So much for all those pins. I’ve tried a bunch of those activities, and you know what? They take approximately 45 minutes to set up, 45 minutes to clean up, and they entertain the kids for only about five. Don’t get me wrong, I attempt them every once in awhile, but I’m quickly reminded why I had been avoiding them in the first place.
So much for the healthy, organic meals. I’m lucky if I can find the right mac and cheese that all three will eat. And what about making them try a bite of whatever you want to eat for dinner? That’s great and all, but what happens when they need more than one bite? I don’t have time to make a plan B meal, for when they try plan A and decide it’s gross.
I bet you can guess how well the “minimal toys” thing is going. I’ve been at home with my kids, almost 24/7 for over 6 years… WE NEED TOYS. And honestly, even though my kids barely play with the toys they have for more than 5 minutes, I still somehow find myself buying more with the mentality that I’ve finally found the one that will provide never-ending fun. I’m not proud, I’m just desperate for entertainment!
We can also say goodbye to the clean car. The “no snack” rule lasted all of about 5 seconds into our first 9 hour road trip that quickly became a multiple-times a year thing. And the relaxed chit chat and classical music? Only if the ballads from Aladdin and shouts for more snacks count.
In Conclusion
Now when I meet someone with kids who acts like they have things 100% figured out, I run the other way. This doesn’t apply to the pregnant-for-the-first-time moms… I had to believe I had it all figured out. I deserved those months, dreaming of becoming the best thing on the planet. But when the kids actually come into the world, a totally confident mom doesn’t exist. The moment you get one thing figured out, your kid finds a way to throw you for another loop. There are literally 20 different ways to do everything, and professionals backing every single one. A parent with all the right answers for all the kids is a unicorn. They don’t exist. And if you met someone who believed they were a unicorn, wouldn’t you run away also??